Are you quiet quitting your marriage?
Thanks to TikTok, I recently learned about the term “quiet quitting”, and I was shocked to learn about this term because it perfectly describes a phenomenon that I have certainly witnessed firsthand as a therapist. The origin of the term “quiet quitting” refers to the practice of people reducing the amount of effort they are putting into their jobs, but you can pretty quickly see how this could translate into relationships.
“Quiet quitting” in the context of marriage refers to a situation where one or both spouses begin to emotionally disengage from the marriage. This is nothing new though, in fact, research shows that on average it takes couples 6-7 years of distress or conflict before they seek out therapy. In the case of heterosexual couples, the part that seems to be more and more true is that it’s the women that are “quiet quitting” relationships. They are tired of being the ones to carry the weight of the emotional labor and have typically been asking for some sort of change to happen that has gone largely undone. So, they begin to quietly quit the marriage.
Signs of quiet quitting in a marriage may include:
1) Emotional distance: One or both partners no longer share their thoughts, feelings, or experiences with one another.
2) Lack of affection: There may be a marked decreased in the amount of physical affection and intimacy, such as hugging, kissing, or sexual activity in general.
3) Communication breakdown: Partners may stop communicating effectively or may engage in frequent arguments without resolution.
4) Avoidance of conflict: Instead of addressing issues, one or both partners may avoid conflicts or other important discussions altogether.
5) Individual pursuits: Each spouse may focus more on their own interests and activities, leading to a lack of shared experiences.
6) Neglect of the relationship: The marriage may no longer be a priority, and efforts to maintain and nurture the relationship may diminish.
If you recognize any signs of quiet quitting in your marriage, or even struggle with one of these issues, then you might benefit from seeking out couples therapy in order to improve your relationship or to consider other options like separation or divorce if the issues have become irreparable. Please feel free to reach out if you have questions about starting the therapy process.
